Archive for February 6th, 2012

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Bluenote

February 6, 2012

Dusky Blue Snow

So, having been absent again for awhile I thought I’d tell you why…. another of my periodic disclosures.

Seems during the time since Lynda’s son Craig died I’ve transitioned from grief through into another round of clinical depression. Where the boundary may have been isn’t important, only that I’ve arrived here again. During these many months I’ve been actively self-monitoring… but, you know the saying about the doctor who treats himself; he has a fool for a patient.

This is my third period of clinical depression. The first two were spaced about 10 years apart; it is now about 8 years since my last descent into the abyss. So goes the cycle – this wasn’t unexpected. Perhaps if circumstance had been different then this wouldn’t have come about but the only really important thing is dealing with it appropriately NOW.

A couple of weeks ago I saw my physician for a routine Rx renewal appointment and as chance would have it he had some time on his hands for a change. He started a pretty lengthy Q & A session about life, work, relationships, finances… the whole gamut. At the end of it he asked whether I had any feelings about being medicated or not. ‘For….?’, I asked. ‘Clearly you are depressed’, says he. ‘Er, um, hrph, well’. We decided on a newer, cleaner version of a SSRI anti depressant which is to have fewer side effects than the older version. It’ll take another couple of weeks for it to build up in my system to the point where I can expect to feel any effect.

A quick shout out to a blog friend who, having reviewed my posts of the last few months, gave me the heads up that I wasn’t relating as I used to do…. and perhaps it was time to stop waiting and act on the symptoms. Kudos – good read.

I’m not overly upset by this setback. Just sticking to my daily routine and trying to be good to myself – food, rest, vitamins. That sort of thing. Looking for ‘the joy’ in the small things like music and the mild winter we’re having.

So, I’m okay. Just sometimes I have little to say here around the blog. Cheers – be back soon.