Be The Light….

… which serves to illuminate for others.

Time rushes by with little time for self reflection. Lynda and I have a couple of hours a day through the week when she has done her workday, and prior to me leaving the house for mine. We cook together or alternate and enjoy the meal and catch-up time. Weekends I work days so I’m back for dinner and the evening. Tomorrow night we’re planning an evening around the firepit, possibly with our next door neighbours. Chillin’ on a chilly evening bundled up next to a nice blaze.

I think I’m up around 35 days without a day off…. some days I’m exhausted and don’t know how I’ll cope with our clients. (They can be a pretty demanding bunch.) But then the energy reserve kicks in and cope I do. It really is all about them while they are in our care. Five months in and we’re pleased with how things are going… good success rate; a few slips or relapses. I’m assured by my manager that I will be working a straight day shift gig within a couple of weeks. Just checked the sobriety calculator and this alky is 3,407 consecutive days clean and sober. Working with new people seeking recovery helps keep me that way.

Lynda’s youngest son has closed his chip truck for the season and moved back in with us a couple of months ago so that is a bit of a blessing. Less running around getting his supplies and other errands. He has just hooked up with a g’friend for the first time in years so that ought to keep him occupied. 😉

I plan to revamp this page soon and get rid of some dead links; get back into the swing and renew contact with some folks. I’ve been occupied on Facebook and once in a while post on Twitter. Making a few new & cool friends there. Will try to spend more time here soon. Ciao for now.

Picture Perfect

Wonderful Wife

Unofficial: Summer is over

My mostly self-imposed summer blackout is over. I’m back; I’m better… maintenance dose of anti-depressants aside, I feel right with the world again. There will be opportunities to post again soon even as it has been busy times. Worked a 29 day stretch there where I was at work for a portion of all those days.

Out first few admissions were packing up today and leaving our care – 4 of them. Kinda sad but like mothers sending their kids off to the first day of school, excited to see them step out into their worlds again. We’ve don’t all we can; they have the tools and supports to continue their recovery as they see fit.

Lynda and I enjoyed her youngest brother Darryl’s wedding Saturday to his fiance Ria. Beauty weather, good crowd, music, & speeches… a little slow dancing. Couldn’t get g’son Owen off the dance floor. Good times.

Be back soon.

 

Busy Weekend Coming Up

Tonight we’re expecting Owen and his father to arrive for the weekend. O’s Mom will be working at a festival all weekend so they figured it’d be just as well to be here. Good! We don’t see them often enough.

This also the weekend that’s Lynda’s friend brings her troop of Brownies to camp in the yard so we’ll have 4 or 5 tents spread around.

Add to that squeezing in ‘that job’ we do each weekend for a few hours.

Plus, a surprise 50th b’day party for one of Lynda’s sisters up in their hometown Saturday night.

Much as I want to get this evenings shift done and out of the way I might have to return to work Monday for a rest. Ah well, best for me to be occupied and social when I have the opportunity to be.

Here’s a gratitous profile shot that Lynda took of me while driving her big-ass truck.

Jeez, look at all those lines!

Hope you all have a refreshing, interesting weekend! See you on the flip-side.

Reflections

Yes, on what I wrote last week…… saying I was looking at the bigger picture. Over the weekend and today I’ve been ruminating on the BIGGER picture and trying to get out of my own head a bit…. considering the fundamentals not the economics and conflicting b.s.

Loyalty, love, commitment, perseverance, unity, honour.

Now I feel a little ashamed of myself for having thought otherwise.

http://youtu.be/l99pFxUXsPQ

don’t look directly at the sun

One of these days I’ll get it right; one day at a time.

 

Wherefore Art Thou Blogmaster Norm?

Another shot using the Paper Camera app on Lynda’s Android smartphone. I like using it….

So, very busy of late. Just through our Victoria Day long weekend. Saturday I cleaned house in prep for having our two sets of next door neighbours over for a going away party. Michelle & Keith have been living beside us for 8 or 9 years and decided to move west where they hoping for greater opportunities. They have distinctly different personalities but make a good couple. We’re especially going to miss their little boy Peter who is a frequent (constant) visitor. That evening went late around the firepit and setting off fireworks after a late dinner.

Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater

Sunday I hitched a ride with sister Linda, her hubby Mike and our mom up to my late Uncle Art’s cottage so we could all gather and spread his ashes behind the cottage. That’s where his wife Amy’s ashes are so now they are resting together once again. My sis dropped me at Lynda’s Mom’s place up in L’s hometown and we carried on to Lynda’s brother’s place for a wonderful bbq steak dinner. Good to see Mother Mary looking well. Lynda hadn’t seen her for a couple of months and was overdue for some quality time with her. Late getting home but worth the journey.

Monday morning L & I dragged ourselves to ‘that job’ we do each weekend and once completed got into a bunch of yardwork at home. I cut both lawns in one shot (and lost 2 or 3 lb doing so) and we moved a bunch of stuff around so we could clean up some raggedy, weedy bits in the corners. I had time for a quick clean up before heading off to my homegroup A.A. meeting. It was the first time I had been back since I had a Monday night off back around Xmas. Renewed acquaintance with a bunch of folks I hadn’t seen for ages and talked a bit of group business with other members. The speaker was one I had heard before but her message is so positive I don’t tire of hearing it.

One issue taking up some headspace is that the mortgage on the townhouse is coming due. That means it is 5 years since Lynda and I broke up; 4 years since we reconciled. Honestly, still haven’t a clue as to what that was all about… but anyway. Having made a couple of calls regarding getting a new mortgage with a different broker it has caused me to draw back somewhat and look at my bigger picture. Am I happy with the status quo? Should I consider my other options? Are things here likely to change approaching satisfactory / ideal conditions?

As any regular reader here knows I’ve struggled somewhat with my mental state…. how much do I depend on my perceptions when it comes to big life issues like this?

Bulletin Board

Here’s the view beside our desktop computer in the basement. Lots of family shots including my parents, sibs, kids, g’kids and pets. Plus a few of my cultural / music heroes. Quite the conglomeration, eh? I see a couple of cousin BJ – she recently turned 65!!!! Hope to see her sometime this summer.

Anyway, that’s it for today… hope to be back sooner and stop ignoring this space. Peace, love and grooooviness, peeps!

Looking Up

Long time no see and all that. Truth is I think I’m becoming a Facebook addict. Way too much time checking in there.

But anyway I thought I’d check in and provide a quicky update as to changes to frame of mind and such. Due to a combination of a variety of factors I seem to have improved – somewhat to quite alot; depending on the day. Contributing factors include but aren’t limited to: compliance with taking meds as directed; increased physical activity (almost none to regular, light exercise); seasonal changes; slightly increased opportunities for socializing; proactive mental attitude and self monitoring; regular check-ins with my MD.

One other major factor was that job competition – it gave me something to invest time in, in a positive way. The focus and prep and anticipation was key for a while there. And I handled the outcome – placing second – pretty well. Had a few crumby hours there but that’s to be expected. Gotta say it’s difficult suiting up and going back to my regular job most days since. 😦 But it pays some bills……

Lynda continues to go through periodic rough stretches in terms of dealing with Craig’s death. The second anniversary is coming up in another 7 weeks or so. It’s bloody torture for me in that I can’t assauge that grief or ‘make things better’ and go away like some bad nightmare. It also seems that she is reluctant to be proactive in dealing with her grief as it’s another way in which she feels she would be saying a final goodbye to him. She WANTS to hold on to him so she won’t consider counselling (group or one-on-one); or talk with other parents who have lost children via accidents or health conditions. Anyway, we have that coming down the pipe and I hope we can just quietly observe it this year without all his friends showing up and making a drunken circus out of it.

 

Time Flies

Pretty soon I’m going to forget how to log in here if I don’t do it more often. Everything lately had been about the interview I attended yesterday – studying the job description and specifications; looking through my notebooks from college, searching the Ministry website and printing off applicable material, cramming, reading, studying. Now it’s over and I feel it went really well – that I have a solid shot at this job. I should find out next week.

The one nice break during the last week was driving Mom into the eastern Toronto suburbs to my Aunt Jane’s place to meet up with her remaining in-laws – my Dad’s sibs. A few of my cousins were there having brought their parents so it was good to catch up on their lives too. Here’s a shot of me showing Jane a shot I had taken of her. In back of me is Jane’s daughter Lynne; atop the cabinet is a photo of Lynne’s daughter Sarah from her wedding day; behind Jane is a stained glass shade that my father made.

Yup, time flies when you’re busy. Working later on today and lots lined up for the weekend. Have a good one, peeps!

Good News

wtf?? where did my post go??

Harumph! Ahem….. DO OVER!!!! (next day) I was just about to leave for work yesterday when I finished up this post and hit ‘publish’…. poof – GONE! I dunno what happened but I wasn’t impressed.

Anyway, to the best of my recollection, I was sharing what happened yesterday at my Dr appt. He was REALLY happy with the results from my physical exam and subsequent tests…. apparently he doesn’t often see those sorts of scores in a guy of my age. Blood sugar, both cholestorals LDL & HDL, kidney and liver function – all excellent. Thank you…. thank you very much.

No real change due to the increased dose of anti-depressant so we’re keeping it the same for another month and monitoring. He was a little miffed that I hadn’t followed up regarding counselling but I had been thinking it wouldn’t be of much benefit in regard to depression. There’s a saying about ‘contempt prior to investigation’ that rings true for me here so I think I’ll pick up the phone, follow up and see what happens. Can’t hurt.

In addressing the absolute bane of my existence, insomnia, he is finally changing me from one non-benzo sleep aid to another which is newly approved for use in this country. I’m truly hoping this will make a difference in my ability to get a restful night’s sleep and therefore my energy level and ability to function at daily tasks.

On the home front – Lynda put her back out last Monday and spent the week at home recovering. A nice well deserved rest for her but her mind was active….. adding to the ‘hunny-do’ list and supervising as the jobs got ticked off. She works in a very stressful job and had done a couple of double shifts covering for a sick workmate in the week prior. Although Lynda knows in her rational mind what her age is, she doesn’t apply that knowledge when it comes to physical challenges….. and acts like she’s still thirty.

On an entirely different note…. the year 1916. Pictured here are my Mom’s parents on a motorcycle with Nana and my Uncle Art in the sidecar. Nana was so determined that Art be born on Irish soil that when she knew she was pregnant she booked passage to Belfast… had Art and returned to Canada via the port in Montreal when he was about 3 months old. This in the middle of WWI. Papa met up with Nana in Montreal and returned she and Art to Toronto via this motorcycle. Incredible given that back then there were no highways; just a series of two lane roadways that didn’t likely make for the most direct route.

New Growth

Peonies sprouting through last years stubble.

Up early this morning running errands for my stepson’s chip truck…. along for the ride is a buddy of his, Billy, to do the heavy lifting. Billy’s an aspiring guitar player and I had Howlin Wolf’s London Sessions CD in the deck. ‘Hey, I’m liking this – who is this guy?’. So, I’m explaining to him about Wolf’s place on the Chicago blues scene and some of his equally famous bandmates – Willie Dixon and Hubert Sumlin – and some of the more recent bands who have covered his tunes. My brush with greatness being knocked on my butt when I literally ran into Willie in a hallway leading back to the stage in Toronto’s El Macambo tavern back in about 1972. My 130 lb frame didn’t stand a chance against Dixon’s 260 lbs. The big man leans down and says. ‘ Can I help you up, son?’. Good ride, good time. Loaned Billy the CD.

Fishing Hut