Yadda, yadda, yahoo

So, all these months later I start on Monday doing what I was hired to do… daily program presentation and individual counseling. These have been interesting times (since July) building relationships for the centre with the area’s 12 Step groups and their service arms. Personally it has been advantageous getting re-acquainted with lots of folks I hadn’t seen in a long time, plus meeting lots of newcomers to the program who have arrived in the interim. Plus, PLUS, I’ll be able to participate at my home group on a regular basis and actually contribute after a long hiatus and very spotty attendance. Woot-woot!

Here at the centre we’re pleased with how everything is shaping up organization-wise and program content. We’re having major successes with some complex cases; poly-substance and major mental illness mixes. As for staff… heh, heh… we try to put principles before personalities and work toward the common good of our clients.

While those things are all good and fine what it really boils down to NOW is being able to get into a solid routine with Lynda on the homefront. She has been very patient and abiding as this is a new start-up business but she could use some quality one on one time…. and I’m looking forward to that too. I miss my honey.

Although it is still months away I find I’m looking forward to celebrating 10 years clean and sober…. and thinking about all the people who have contributed to my sobriety; both inside and outside the ‘rooms’. As for outside; some of those folks are right here online. Others, people I attended college with when I studied for my Addictions diploma. Still others are close family and friends who have leant their support during trying times.

During this period of re-adjustment I’ll be trying to catch up on some much needed rest and establish a good working structure for mind, body and spirit. That and take time to count my blessings. I’m a happy guy. Ciao for now.

Wherefore Art Thou Blogmaster Norm?

Another shot using the Paper Camera app on Lynda’s Android smartphone. I like using it….

So, very busy of late. Just through our Victoria Day long weekend. Saturday I cleaned house in prep for having our two sets of next door neighbours over for a going away party. Michelle & Keith have been living beside us for 8 or 9 years and decided to move west where they hoping for greater opportunities. They have distinctly different personalities but make a good couple. We’re especially going to miss their little boy Peter who is a frequent (constant) visitor. That evening went late around the firepit and setting off fireworks after a late dinner.

Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater

Sunday I hitched a ride with sister Linda, her hubby Mike and our mom up to my late Uncle Art’s cottage so we could all gather and spread his ashes behind the cottage. That’s where his wife Amy’s ashes are so now they are resting together once again. My sis dropped me at Lynda’s Mom’s place up in L’s hometown and we carried on to Lynda’s brother’s place for a wonderful bbq steak dinner. Good to see Mother Mary looking well. Lynda hadn’t seen her for a couple of months and was overdue for some quality time with her. Late getting home but worth the journey.

Monday morning L & I dragged ourselves to ‘that job’ we do each weekend and once completed got into a bunch of yardwork at home. I cut both lawns in one shot (and lost 2 or 3 lb doing so) and we moved a bunch of stuff around so we could clean up some raggedy, weedy bits in the corners. I had time for a quick clean up before heading off to my homegroup A.A. meeting. It was the first time I had been back since I had a Monday night off back around Xmas. Renewed acquaintance with a bunch of folks I hadn’t seen for ages and talked a bit of group business with other members. The speaker was one I had heard before but her message is so positive I don’t tire of hearing it.

One issue taking up some headspace is that the mortgage on the townhouse is coming due. That means it is 5 years since Lynda and I broke up; 4 years since we reconciled. Honestly, still haven’t a clue as to what that was all about… but anyway. Having made a couple of calls regarding getting a new mortgage with a different broker it has caused me to draw back somewhat and look at my bigger picture. Am I happy with the status quo? Should I consider my other options? Are things here likely to change approaching satisfactory / ideal conditions?

As any regular reader here knows I’ve struggled somewhat with my mental state…. how much do I depend on my perceptions when it comes to big life issues like this?

Bulletin Board

Here’s the view beside our desktop computer in the basement. Lots of family shots including my parents, sibs, kids, g’kids and pets. Plus a few of my cultural / music heroes. Quite the conglomeration, eh? I see a couple of cousin BJ – she recently turned 65!!!! Hope to see her sometime this summer.

Anyway, that’s it for today… hope to be back sooner and stop ignoring this space. Peace, love and grooooviness, peeps!

Weather Affected

I’m off to a late start posting this month because dreary weather sucks the life out of me; that and we had a busy weekend, too.

Ta-Dah!

Here is the extent of the snow we got that day last week. Wow, eh? Since then all it has done, pretty much, is rain some more, and more, and more….. you get the idea. I’m really not used to this sort of duration…. and this blog is beginnning to be a regular weather report, isn’t it?

 We have had a few late day breaks in the crummy, yucky stuff; to whit –

Cordouroy Clouds

If anyone followed that series of articles that I shared on Facebook regarding women and alcohol… I’ve been cooresponding with the author of the series (the Atkinson Series @ thestar.com), Ann Dowsett Johnston. One smart, insightful lady. She is looking for people to ‘out’ themselves in order to battle the stigma associated with alcoholism. I wished her luck with that, in that, most people in 12 Step recovery won’t go against the traditions in A.A. regarding anonymity. A shame really…. wouldn’t you rather be known as a recovering alcoholic than a practicing one? I would.

Bingle Jells

Lynda has hauled out the boxes of decorations and begun decking the halls. Now we have to get out and buy a tree. Owen and family will be here for the couple of days before Xmas; then head for home so he can have Xmas morning at home before going on to other family for dinner.

Ha, ha…. forecast…. cool, clearing and no precip for a few days. Yippee!! Gotta go now. Have a good one. 

 

 

29/07/2011

How’s that for a catchy title, huh?? A real eye-grabber.

What’s new…. hmmm…

Well, my grand-daughter Madison turned 3 the other day. If you didn’t catch this post on FaceBook here is the link to a photo session that her parents arranged: http://video214.com/play/O​5eCA4jJ7Y394cYFdiecSw/s/da​rk . Such a sweetie. I sent a message to my daughter-in-law Melissa saying I wish I could visit way more often so I could see the changes in Madison as she is growing. It is also less than a month before Melissa is due to deliver baby #2, ‘C’ section scheduled for Aug 25. They had some prego pics done as well, here: http://video214.com/play/DMyKs0m4wzgJVdj2360mUA/s/dark

Oh, glory-be!

Last week I marked off another successful year of ongoing sobriety through working the miracle which is the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. I know I have thought this previously in this my twisted life’s journey but….. if I can stay sober through this past year I can survive anything. One day at a time and all that good stuff.

straight around

I’m glad I keep book review columns that I see in the newspaper otherwise I likely would have missed out on reading Rodney Crowell’s ‘Chinaberry Sidewalks’. I finished reading it last night and it was a terrific piece of memoir. He had me hooked from the first page and didn’t let up till it was all done. Highly recommended – 5 stars.

rush

Lynda and I enjoyed having g’son Owen with us for all of last week – he’s quite a character. We’ve also been getting out doing a few social things due to the fact that I have my weekends off (PTL). Tomorrow night we’re heading into Toronto for an evening with some of the folks I went through my Addiction Studies course with…. probably be a dozen or so of us. We haven’t done one of these get-togethers for a few years so it ought to be interesting.

 

lazing around at the flea market

Have a good weekend, folks. Time to get cleaned up for work tonight.

Today

height, width, depth, planes, monochrome...

Here’s a reflection of my state of mind lately. Think a blend of constraint, anxiety, confusion with a dash of blah. Although it’s officially spring – and we did have all our snow gone – winter decided to remind us that ‘tah-dah! this is still Canada in March’ and whacked us the last couple of days with a few more inches of the blessed white stuff. Jeez – I surrender; gimme a break.

I’m off this afternoon to the funeral for a friend and former coworker at ‘the house’. Trish was the chief cook and we worked a great many shifts together. Saw one another around the rooms of A.A. a good deal and actually she preceded me as Chair at the executive table during the term prior to mine. Physically she was tiny but she had an enormous spirit and I’ll miss her wise counsel.

Otherwise life trucks along. I’m looking forward to some one-on-one time with Lynda this weekend as we’ve had company during the last few. Hunker down and talk, talk, talk.

Later…….

Recently…..

A couple of nights working; now a couple of days off. I finally made up my mind to take the severance package so I’m no longer associated with the rehab centre. Guess I’ll finally have to update my profile page here, huh? Last night my A.A. home group was responsible for putting on a meeting at another groups meeting place (a thing called Interchange) and I decided I was ready to speak. Previously I hadn’t felt emotional, mentally or spiritually stable enough to get up and do that. It went off pretty well with a number of people coming to me afterward to talk about what I had to say, including one previous client from ‘the house’ who has been out on another booze and coke run. Anyway, I only choked up once which I thought was pretty good considering circumstances lately.

Other A.A. stuff – my term as chair for our district meetings ends at years end. It’s been a good two years, service-wise. I was elected to a committee chair position which will be lighter duty – another 2 year post. (Spirit of rotation so you don’t have the same crew running things and everyone has a chance to get involved.)

Musical interlude from the ‘Crazy Heart’ soundtrack – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zelvaxvTaUk

Lots to do today once it warms up a little . The trees around here are about 75% bare so I have about a kazillion leaves to bag up before garbage day tomorrow. Shopping to do. Lynda and I are taking Mom out for dinner tonight.

More music? Roseanne Cash’s “September When It Comes”. Duet with Johnny the year before he died. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1oqqzwcJwMk

Finished reading Alice Munro’s “Hateship, Friendshhip, Courtship, Loveship, Marriage” and thought it to be very good. Got about 3/4 of the way through George Carlin’s autobiography ‘Last Words’, which was finished posthumously for him by Tony Hendra. You get a good picture of the things that drove his success and his ways of thinking about comedy as a way of confronting society’s foibles. I came across a book of Shel Silverstein’s so that is next up. He’s always struck me as being a bit ‘out there’ so we’ll see how it goes. Should be fun.

A little crooning by Bryan Ferry from his latest “Olympia”…. scroll down and hit play. http://stereogum.com/543642/bryan-ferry-song-to-the-siren-feat-jonny-greenwood-david-gilmour-roxy-music-stereogum-premiere/mp3s/

Would any post be complete without a photo. Some have seen this one before as it was taken at the rehearsal for the wedding in Calgary there about 7 or 8 weeks ago. I like the lighting of the space.

Pause

State of Affairs

Shimmery When Wet

So…. thought I’d best check in here else folks’ll think I’ve gone AWOL or sumthin’. How am I? Well, somewhat better than I had been for quite awhile. Those last couple of months I was actively self-monitoring for signs of a return to clinical depression and some of the hallmarks were lurking about but seem to have been alieviated. Of course one of those signs is a lack of enjoyment or interest in things that you ordinarily DO enjoy partaking in… like blogging, for instance.

Truth be told I had considered (for a while there) deleting both blogs. One day last week I noticed someone had scanned some pages using ‘categories’ and when I began doing the same it illustrated to me that having written quite a lot here over the course of time I had made a significant investment here, touched on quite a variety of subjects, met a cool bunch of people and it’s all a source of joy for me.

Damn, just got interrupted with a call for work. Hmmmm…. Anyway, I had hoped to see cousin BJ tomorrow but that isn’t going to happen. See, our cousin G died and the graveside service is taking place in a town that is about equal distance for both of us. G is the first of our generation (well, who lived into adulthood) to depart this earth. G spent the last 30 or so years living in rooming houses, group homes, on the street, occasionally on psych wards,… you name it. G’s teenage experimentation with marijuana unleashed a latent schizophrenia that ruled the rest of his life. I didn’t know him at all well but feel for him and his parents just the same. God bless them all.

Tomorrow marks 6 years, 10 months sober for me. Monday will be 2,500 days. Just only sayin’ as it’s a fact and I’m not bragging mainly because drinking has crossed my mind on more than a few occasions during these last few months. Nothing like an educated alky to start rationalizing a return to drinking…. Sure, I can moderate, sure I can! Luckily I happened to be reviewing one of my pharmacology texts around that time and saw some stats in regard to what my chances were likely to be of being successful. A piddling 1 – 2% – I’m not that much of a gambler. So, I choose not to drink today.

Must go attend to some things – I’ll be back sooner than later. Ciao.

Sharin’ the Love

another gratuitous shot of me but a better one of Audrey.

Cindy's shot of Audrey and I

I can’t say enough good things about her; I’m so glad I met her and got to know her these past 5 years or so. Just last year she was an invited panelist at a multifaith conference in India. (I wish I had an audio file of her address.) She was kind enough to advise me during Lynda’s and my separation a couple of years ago and prayed for us on a regular basis. Audrey still is active in sponsoring women who are new to the fellowship of A.A.; is always in attendance at her home group meetings; actively participates in their business meetings; and is out in support of other groups 4 or 5 nights a week. I have yet to see Audrey dressed in slacks; she is always ‘properly’ attired in a dress or blouse and skirt; dress shoes and jewellery. Wise and articulate; patient and loving; warm, friendly and a ton of fun. She has a wicked sense of humour. Everyone should have at least one friend like her.

Pithy, Pithier, Pithiest…..

…. or just plain pithed.

I’ve held out on posting to date in hopes the tides would turn and I’d have some positive news to share. Well, here it is January 20 and it is ‘same old, same old’. No news to share regarding the job search – same frustration. The financial stress has eased a little but the situation will quickly become problematic at any ‘sudden needs’ expense.

Mentally and emotionally I enjoy enough self-awareness to be acutely aware of where I’m at cognitively, mood-wise and attitude and perception-wise. At times it is downright scary where your mind can take you after a long period of unrelenting stress. Hypochondria?? Ever little ache, pain and twinge is the harbinger of some new life threatening illness. And looking in the mirror I can honestly say I’ve aged about five years in these last 10 weeks.

On the plus side – I have enough to eat; I have a warm home; I have a wife who loves and supports me; friends and associates who care about me.

Things of note: Yesterday I attended the follow-up meeting regarding funding for the mental health and addictions programming run through the local hospital and detox. Yahoo – their funding will stay intact through having creatively shuffled the finances. Had a quick word with the Director from there to let him know I’m still looking for work. (We keep running into one another at various functions so I’m on his radar.)

I regularly attend one hour seminars at the local Mental Health hospital that are put on for other area stakeholders re mental health and addiction. The topics are really varied and the presenters very good.

Last week was my girlfriend Audrey’s 90th birthday and I (we) was invited to a house party held in her honour on Saturday afternoon. When I get a picture or two I’ll post them here – she’s a sweetie.

Today marks 7 smoke free years for Lynda. I’m very happy for her and proud of her. Today is also exactly 6 1/2 years of sobriety for me – 2,376 days – one day at a time.

Sunday I chaired our monthly area A.A. executive meeting and it was the first time I felt I was on top of things and had done a good job of it. Progress, I tell ya…..

axaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxax

I wrote awhile ago about the season 2 premiere of ‘Spectacle’; must have been about 5 weeks ago now. A question?? What the hell were the programmers thinking by airing the premiere….. and then nothing week after week??? What was the point in that?? I’m all geared up and ready to go but they haven’t scheduled the follow up programs as yet. Makes absolutely no sense to me, at all.

azazazazazazazazazazazazazazazazazazazazazazazazazazazazazazaz

Such a contrast between last winter and this one. By this time last year I couldn’t shovel the snow from the driveway any higher; it was shoulder high. So far this season we haven’t accumulated any more than a couple of inches at a time and it has all eventually thawed, melted and disappeared. Last night we got a dusting but you can still see the grass. Incredible!! Loving it!!

Making tracks - Jan 6

 

goodbye crystals - hello lace curtain

Bingle Jells

Cheer in the Dark

Christmas plans?? A few… and scaled down somewhat from usual. Lynda’s two younger sons will be here Xmas day for the afternoon and dinner. (One of them had an on-the-job accident the other day and will be off work for a few weeks. His back is badly messed up and might have a few cracked or broken ribs.) I’ll be popping in and out at Mom’s place Xmas eve and day; maybe get her out to the shops one day early next week. Seeing as how I’m not working Lynda has allotted the food shopping to me…. oh joy, oh bliss. Best make that list and check it twice.

At the hall where our A.A. meeting takes place there will be hourly meetings put on from noon on the 24th until noon Xmas day. My group got the 7 p.m. slot. Fellow AA’s can come and go and stay as long as they want. Lots of fellowship and savoury things to nosh on. A good place to spend some time especially if you’re struggling or have no one to be with. Afterward I’m hoping to search up a carol service to attend. (Have I ever mentioned I was in my Dad’s church choir when I was young?? Used to and still do love carol services.) { Wish I could still sing like I could then, too }

I’ll be placing a couple of calls to my kids out west before and during the holidays to check in on how their holidays are going. My daughter Sarah is threatening to come stay with us during the Vancouver Olympics – just 60 days away now. Apparently a lot of the natives are going to pack up and leave town cuz the city will be pretty much shut down for regular business during those two weeks. The Olympic Torch relay passed through our town yesterday on it’s way west… it’s in Toronto today.

Here’s a shot of an ornament that I bought Lynda a few years ago when I was in school in downtown Toronto. It’s an icefishing snowman complete with rod and bait being observed by a penguin. Too cute.

fishing for an Xmas dinner invitation

May you all enjoy your time with family and friends during the holiday season…. ( and let’s keep Christ in Christmas ).