February 6, 2012

Dusky Blue Snow

So, having been absent again for awhile I thought I’d tell you why…. another of my periodic disclosures.

Seems during the time since Lynda’s son Craig died I’ve transitioned from grief through into another round of clinical depression. Where the boundary may have been isn’t important, only that I’ve arrived here again. During these many months I’ve been actively self-monitoring… but, you know the saying about the doctor who treats himself; he has a fool for a patient.

This is my third period of clinical depression. The first two were spaced about 10 years apart; it is now about 8 years since my last descent into the abyss. So goes the cycle – this wasn’t unexpected. Perhaps if circumstance had been different then this wouldn’t have come about but the only really important thing is dealing with it appropriately NOW.

A couple of weeks ago I saw my physician for a routine Rx renewal appointment and as chance would have it he had some time on his hands for a change. He started a pretty lengthy Q & A session about life, work, relationships, finances… the whole gamut. At the end of it he asked whether I had any feelings about being medicated or not. ‘For….?’, I asked. ‘Clearly you are depressed’, says he. ‘Er, um, hrph, well’. We decided on a newer, cleaner version of a SSRI anti depressant which is to have fewer side effects than the older version. It’ll take another couple of weeks for it to build up in my system to the point where I can expect to feel any effect.

A quick shout out to a blog friend who, having reviewed my posts of the last few months, gave me the heads up that I wasn’t relating as I used to do…. and perhaps it was time to stop waiting and act on the symptoms. Kudos – good read.

I’m not overly upset by this setback. Just sticking to my daily routine and trying to be good to myself – food, rest, vitamins. That sort of thing. Looking for ‘the joy’ in the small things like music and the mild winter we’re having.

So, I’m okay. Just sometimes I have little to say here around the blog. Cheers – be back soon.


  1. I hear a lot of wisdom in this post, my friend. Sounds like you’re doing all the right things. My best to you on your travels out of the darkness and back into the light.

  2. Thank LB….. helps knowing there are friends like you around backing me.

  3. {{{Norm}}}
    may the light of springtime
    about to peer over the horizon
    start filtering into view
    here and now

  4. ps: when a blog starts to feel like a place you “have” to show up to, like a dayjob…..then perhaps the season for blogging has passed

  5. Hey, you, Norm. So glad to hear you are looking after yourself in this hole in the footpath/sidewalk you’ve fallen into. I’ve been in that space before too and it’s hellishly crapful. One foot in front of the other ‘n all that.

  6. {kel} – you always have such a way with words. Thanks.

  7. p.s. kel – no, I just don’t like to let it lay fallow for too long. Wouldn’t want folks to think I’m not interested & thought I’d explain myself. Keeps me connected with the people I like.

  8. Hey Suzie Q – yes, another bump in the road. Something to look back on in twenty years and say yup, a rough stretch of road in the rear-view mirror. Thanks for caring to stop by and comment.

  9. you like us

    LIKE !!!

  10. YES !!!! and admire and respect and on and on……

  11. :-)))

  12. Hugs to you, Norm. I know how difficult it is to recognize the symptoms in oneself, and am so glad your astute reader caught on and let you know. In my experience with depression, the world loses color (for me it was in sepia tones, but I see your using blue). Hopefully the world will start having more color for you soon.

    I’m also glad to hear you’re taking the time to be good to yourself. 🙂

  13. Thanks Robin – yes, patience….. a day at a time. I find I’m engaging in a lot of wishful thinking; wishing time away. Let me get through the day, week…. back to bed; win the lottery; whatever. Tired of feeling the same all the time…. flat and unmotivated. Helps to keep expectations low and bide time until things improve.

  14. Sorry it took me so long.

  15. Main thing is that you made it…. 🙂 Welcome!

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